Motivation
One of the things I hear the most from frustrated parents of teens is “my child just isn’t motivated to do anything.” Some kids aren’t motivated for school, others aren’t motivated socially, and some aren’t motivated to help out around the house. The first questions I ask are “what do you model for your children?” And “what strategies have you tried to motivate them?” Sometimes the simplest things can make a huge difference. Think about what your own behavior models for your kids. Do you take initiative? Do you have a strong work ethic? Do they see a good work/play balance in your life? Our kids learn everything from watching us and these things are so important. If they see us making excuses or slacking, that is what they will tend to do as well. If you believe you are modeling all of the right behaviors for your kids, you might want to look at what you use to motivate them. Do you yell, nag, criticize, or berate them? These things are common among parents of teens, but are the least effective strategies and tend to lead to power struggles, conflict, and kids who feel they can’t do anything right. I often look at the following things first…
Do you kids have regular chores? Surprisingly, chores and responsibilities around the home actually build a great sense of self sufficiency and pride in kids. When they are given opportunities to be praised, they often take it. Additionally, chores give kids the opportunity to learn vital executive function skills like time management, prioritization, task initiation, sustained attention, and organization. All of which are needed for schoolwork and homework!!! As parents we have to take every opportunity possible to help our kids strengthen these skills on their own. Don’t just tell them what to do and when… help them brainstorm and come up with a plan that works for them. Help them learn to manage their own responsibilities. They will feel proud and accomplished and you will have taken something off of your own plate. It’s a win win. But be consistent…. this leads me to my next point…
Are you consistent with expectations and do you follow through?
Do your kids have a sense of control over their own lives? Are they routinely given opportunities for CHOICE?
Do they have structure to their day? A specified dinner hour with the family? A specific homework time? Structure builds routine. Routine builds habits.
That is a simplified list but a good place to start. After looking at these things I urge you to read the following articles. These focus on how we communicate with our kids about school and helps parents find ways to motivate kids academically. Some kids tell me their only motivation for school is to avoid their parents being mad at them about grades…we have to change this dialog…
6 Ways to Get Your Child Going:
http://www.empoweringparents.com/Unmotivated-Child-6-Ways-to-Get-Your-Child-Going.php#
Raising Self Motivated Children:
http://www.highscope.org/file/NewsandInformation/ReSourceReprints/Motivated.pdf