PARENT COACHING
After years of working with teens and families, I came to learn that parents are in need of much more support on this journey of raising kids. I also learned this firsthand raising my own child. About 5 years ago I began digging into everything I could get my hands on about Respectful Parenting. I had always had a desire to raise my child this way, but had not truly immersed myself in learning all I could about it. Like most parents, I assumed my parenting style would evolve naturally and we would sort of figure things out as we went along. There is definitely an aspect of “learn-as-you-go” with parenting, but I needed more of a road map or philosophy to guide me. I wanted it to be evidence-based and I wanted it to focus on nurturing the parent/child relationship. After years of working with families I had learned that a lack of connection in the parent/child relationship drove most conflict, behavior issues, and pain in the family unit. When children feel more connected to their parents, feel more seen, heard, and valued, they have more respect for their parents, and thus their parents have more influence in their lives. As parents we want to be the ones our children come to in their struggles and with their questions about the world. How can we expect them to turn to us if we have not nurtured this connection?
Through parent coaching sessions, I strive to provide a non-judgmental environment where I empathize with overwhelmed parents and work to help them develop skills to better manage their own reactions, model healthy communication, and strengthen problem solving so that they may foster a stronger, more connected relationship with their child(ren). Often times, parents find that the skills they learn in this process help them to also be a better spouse, friend, professional, etc., leading to a fuller, more joyful life.
thE mODEL
I utilize and teach tenets of Respectful Parenting (often known as Connected Parenting) which is a relationship based approach to raising children. Below are some statements regarding the basic principles of Respectful Parenting.
We believe that children and adolescents (as all human beings) should be treated with respect in all situations.
We understand that we can not expect behaviors from our children that we, ourselves, do not model.
We make the relationship and connection with our children the top priority and always strive to create an environment of honesty, trust, and support.
We respect the autonomy of children and adolescents, striving to involve them in family decisions and allowing them to make choices about their own life as often as possible.
We exercise consistency in setting and holding limits and boundaries in a compassionate manner.
We seek cooperation through connection rather than using bribes, threats, punishments, or rewards.
We understand that children and adolescents have underdeveloped brains and nervous systems and often act in ways that are frustrating or nonsensical. We understand that this is normal and not malicious or manipulative on the part of the child. We seek to find the need beneath the behaviors and remember that our children are always doing their best.
what to expect
We will meet weekly or every other week for 55 minute sessions. In the beginning, we will explore current problems and outline goals. We will explore each problem through the lens of Respectful Parenting and I will offer strategies to help parents address these problems in a healthier way that is consistent with the principles of Respectful Parenting. As parents practice these strategies they often find that they feel more connected to their child(ren), their relationships improve, and they feel more in control in their lives. Over time what feels like “work” in the beginning often becomes second nature as an internal shift occurs and parents begin to view their children, and their own role, differently.
It is important to note that this method is not a “quick fix.” As parents do this work they begin to redefine boundaries in their home and their family dynamics slowly begin to shift into something healthier. This process takes time. Both parents and children must adjust. If children are used to a parent using control based approaches, children can be distrustful of newer approaches and it takes time to build trust in their parents’ efforts. Additionally, parents often find that they must tackle their own difficulties with anger, patience, expressing emotion, communicating in a healthy way, etc. This is all part of the journey to becoming a healthier individual so that you can be a healthier parent. I ask that you are open to this and honest about any fears, setbacks, or struggles you encounter along the way. They are expected. Often times parents need their own individual therapist to help them process what comes up for them. This too is normal and often very helpful. Trust this process and know that it leads to a much stronger relationship with your child(ren) in the end.
Ultimately I want you to know that I deeply empathize with the struggles you face as parents and the fear that often results from these struggles. I want you to know that my goal is to help and never to come with judgement or criticism. If you ever feel or perceive anything different, I ask that you are honest with me so that we can work through any upset. This must feel like a safe space for you in order for you to reap the most benefit.